This particular time, I made the unfortunate decision to go to Hallmark. Since the aisles are about this big, I let Henry out of the stroller and in true Henry fashion, he was everywhere. I played a game called, I Don't Know Whose Kid That Is, But MAN Where Is His Mother?!? and GRAB EVERY CARD YOU CAN FOR ANY POSSIBLE EVENT--DON'T READ, JUST GRAB. Apparently that's the game Henry was playing too because when I came around, he had knocked over a display of wine toppers and had 29,374 cards in his hand.
At this point, Palmer was screaming because I was lurching around trying to grab Henry and said cards.
It is A Scene. The grandmas behind the counter are clucking at my parenting skills. The moms in the store are murmuring helpful comments to me like, "It doesn't get any better." Somehow, in the mix, I make it up to the counter with the cards Henry has snatched up and the ones that I have *carefully* chosen only to be greeted by the candy. It's not even cheap candy, it's the expensive imported stuff. Mothershitofass.
I sort through the cards as quickly as I can, pay, and dash out before both The Children become any more apoplectic.
And then I get home. It's like a poker game when another player lays down his cards (just go along with that analogy because I actually know nothing about poker). There is surprise, shock, and awe. There are a few cards you suspected but a few game changers.
Enter this guy:
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UPDATE: Did you know that Hallmark has translations on the back of all cards in foreign languages?
...
And this is why I am buying a box of blank cards with kittens on them the next time I muster the courage to go back to Hallmark.
